With few exceptions to the sociopaths who brand themselves ‘self-motivators’ and highly-ambitious people – in essence, they are people who are high-strung on stress and turn to alcohol and become miserable when Monday decides to stab them in the back – the rest of us normal people hate Mondays.

Please raise your hand if you agree with this assessment of humans on the Monday scale of vibrance.

Well, without any further ado, let’s list the reasons why we hate Mondays.

1. Because It Is Monday

I mean, is there any other reason that should rank higher on the list than the fact that it is fucking Monday? It just gives you a reason to ask for another supply of the weekend.

just a bit more, perhaps?

2. Our Bosses.

And what about them? We hate them. At least the normal ones do. Why like your boss? That human being or machine, or whatever passes for ‘boss’ for you – we’re living in an evolving world so, who knows? – that paralyzes you with work that ensures that you get paid, enabling you to pay your bills and survive in this unnecessary life?

3. Our Colleagues.

Normal people do not like their colleagues, except for those ones that give good gist or help make your work easier. You know. There’s just something about those people that try to do so well that the attention shifts to you and on how badly you’re performing at your task. Those fucking nudniks.

4. Morning Devotions

This one, thankfully, doesn’t apply to me. For those of you that experience this, especially at Nigerian offices, I’m sorry, but I don’t understand your situation; however, I can empathize with you. Yes, there are usually morning devotions, but those ones on Monday, they are special; the week has to kick-off with the mighty hand of the one up there now – non-negotiable.

the lord must come down

5. The Commute

Makes you wonder if everyone in Lagos is actually employed. Like, a thousand people will try to get inside a keke with you, and you ask yourself where the Nigerian Bureau of Statistics (NBS) gets its figures of unemployed people in the country from. Don’t sha wear white on Monday – except for those lucky bastards that follow staff buses – e go brown. And you don’t want to ruin your drip. Wear white on Tuesday or Thursday, for some reason they are more laidback days, don’t ask.

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