Today is Sunday (duh!) and many people are out in throngs, COVID-19 be damned, to do their Sunday duties at their respective churches, including you closeted heathens.

However, people go to these places of worship for various reasons, some of which will be listed in this insightful piece. Hopefully, you can find your Sunday personality on this list that has been meticulously curated.

1. Once in a Blue ‘Moon-er’

You see these ones, they are the ones that have a strained relationship with their churches. They are the ones famed for saying “you don’t have to go to church to be a Christian, I can have a personal relationship with God in my house”. Some of them only try to escape the payment of tithes, I mean, it is understandable. But remember, sister Charity and Brother Paul will be paying you a visit to remind you that there is joy in fellowshipping with your fellow church members.

2. Stay Until Doors Close

These ones open the gates and stay until the gates are closed. They are the spiritual version of “party until mama calls”. Almost assistant pastors themselves. They are the true members of the church. You can easily recognise them by the names they bear: Favour, John, Benita, Gideon.

3. Fashion Statement

They always come late. Somehow, there’s always a seat in front for them, and even if there isn’t, they would still walk to the front, while the sermon is ongoing to look for that space even after the usher shows them a seat (or several seats) at the back. That outfit cannot go to waste. Dress to kill the Christian way. 

Check this out: Buhari’s Speeches To Get Subtitle Feature

4. Spousal Search

lord hear my plea, e don tey

Praying at home for a spouse will not be as effective as praying in the church for the same reason. Just like business, location, location, location. You need to take your market to a place where it will move faster. Their ultimate search is within the church premises (especially those seeking godfearing men and women). You can always identify them by their proximity to fellow single members.

5. Bench Warmers

The “we sha go church” gang. These ones come out of the church as they entered. Something ventured nothing gained. They go to church so that they can answer in the affirmative when brother Divine asks them if they were at church on Sunday. They are some of the loudest champions of the Christian cause.

Hey, seen this?: Company Raises Retirement Age To 80, Staff Commits Suicide

6. Attendance Takers

These ones are righteous and stamped-for-heaven members. The age range of people in this group usually (and not set in stone) falls between 35 – 60. They have heard the word of the Lord so much that it is ingrained in their hearts like a tattoo. Everything the pastor says is more or less a remix of the original version that is inscribed upon their hearts. They know who attends and who doesn’t. Which sister is bent on making a brother backslide. If you like amebo, they are your go-to resource for the freshest church gist.  

You don’t have to be selfish, if you enjoyed this post, kindly share with friends and enemies.

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